How to thread a sewing needle.

BY PAM TURNER

Search through the umpteen packages of needles you have had since high school to find one with the largest eye. Carefully cut the end of the thread at an angle. After three tries, put a quarter in the swear jar and stick the thread in your mouth.Twist the frayed end with your tongue. Then stab the limp piece of wet thread at the hole. After two tries, pinch the wet end of the thread to form a sharp point. Aim. Suck on it again and explain to your four year old granddaughter, that, no you are not “tasting” the thread. And, no, she cannot taste it either.

Think about sucking on the eye of the needle instead of the thread but decide against it because the child is watching. Dig through the sewing box to find the threading tool you know you bought last year. Find a nickel in the sewing box. Give that to your granddaughter to put in the swear jar. Unbend the diamond shape wire of the threader and try to fit it into the hole of the needle.

When you finally get the threader into the eye of the needle, take the piece of thread drooping from your granddaughter’s mouth. Explain that white thread does not taste different than the the colored thread so she does not need to get you a different piece. Put the very soggy piece of thread into the diamond wire and pull the threader back out. And wonder of wonders the needle is threaded! YES! After doing a short happy dance with your granddaughter, unwind the green thread from around her tummy and the yellow thread from her wrist.

Sit back down to sew the button onto your favorite shirt. Glancing at the clock you realize you are late getting your granddaughter home and so toss the shirt back into the bulging pile of mending projects. Put the now threaded needle into the top of the kitchen curtain and hope you remember where you put it later. Toss the button back into the junk drawer. Stuff a dollar bill into the swear jar, confident your granddaughter will be able to go to college early. Then explain to your daughter-in-law that your granddaughter may have an increased vocabulary now. And suggest she hide her sewing box.

Then go to www.TheNeedleLady.com and order a side threading needle.